Understanding the Systemic Approach
“There are no individuals in the world only fragments of families.” - Carl Whitaker
I have been trained to view the world through a systemic lens as a Marriage and Family Therapist. This means that relationships have an immense impact on people’s own experiences, struggles, and well-being. While this may feel obvious, the implications of this belief have shaped an entire field of therapy and has changed the way in which I view the world.
Why is this approach so important?
I’ll start with an example that usually helps people understand why a systemic approach to therapy is so helpful. Imagine a client who has struggled with a drug addiction for years and checks themself into a recovery center. In the recovery center, they are away from the chaos of their family, job, drama with friends, etc. While I am not minimizing the intensity and hardships of the recovery experience, it is well known and the data shows that relapses occur when the recovering person returns to their previous life stressors and relationships. This is because the individual has changed, but their system has remained the same. As individuals, we tend to underestimate the impact our systems have on our being.
So how does the systemic approach affect the way I do therapy?
When a couple or family come in for therapy, I am mostly looking at the interactions of the system. How is each family member speaking, and what messages are they delivering? Are the other family members reacting to simply what was said, or are there messages being interpreted based on years of interactions? Who does the family all listen to, and whose voice is often overlooked or overshadowed? Is a tired wife saying the words, “I love you,” but then sitting on the opposite side of the couch, holding a pillow instead of her partner’s hand? If so, what is she trying to communicate with those three words, what needs are needing to be met?
Typically, I find that the problem does not reside within one person, it affects the system. A teenager is struggling with Major Depression, has suicidal thoughts, and hasn’t played their favorite instrument in several months. While that may be the most apparent problem in the family, and deserving of therapeutic treatment on it’s own, I look at the family. Perhaps there’s a parent worried sick about their child and once enjoyable activities outside the home are overshadowed by their parental anxiety. Maybe the two parents have been arguing so much, facing work stressors, or putting out fires with other children that they didn’t even notice their teenager stopped playing guitar. There are so many unique families, circumstances, personalities, cultures, etc. that it makes it impossible to diagnose this specific imaginatory example.
What I can say for sure is that my goal is for people to have systems that can flex and grow and strengthen to support each individual in family or couple. When a family or couple come into my office, it is my goal to help the individuals be able to connect to each other in new ways. Through healthy connection, people are better able to grow as families, couples, and individuals.
How does the systemic approach help individuals seeking therapy?
Most of the problems individuals come in to address are relational on some level. Traumatic experiences are usually due to one or more person’s cruelty, and often impact how we interact with others in the future. Low self-esteem is often rooted in negative experiences or messages from others. Anxiety and Depression impact one’s relationships. Eating Disorders, along with many other mental disorders, isolate the individual.
Take-Aways
Most of all, I want you to know that you are not alone and that there is help and hope to be found if you are struggling. Life can be messy, and hard, and cruel, and hopeful, and beautiful all at once. My goal is to help you and your loved ones develop the tools to navigate this life and grow to be who you want to be with the people you love by your side.
